Thursday, August 16, 2007

The scariest thing in the world...

... Is an idiot with a "system."

So, I'm broke as a bad joke, amazingly in debt, and living off of fake money. This drove me to CraigsList, to see if I could find a job, or - at least - a temp gig that would buy my groceries for a while.

Well, I was totally lucky, & found a week-long gig selling merchandise at the tour of SPAMalot that is in KC through Sunday. The money sounded good, I got a free t-shirt, and I got to see the show for free.

So, I have a shirt, and it's awesome. I got to see the show last night, at it was HI-larious. And, indeed, the money is solid.

But, the guy in charge. Lord.

His name is Bill. Bill has totally good intentions. Unfortunately, Bill has no social or people skills, is completely incapable of talking about anything other than the job, and - best of all - has a "system." Everything is set up & taken down according to the "system."

Systems aren't toally bad. Sometimes, they are totally helpful.

Bill's system is not. This system says we can't do any work until EVERYONE is there to do the work. So, instead of just setting up the damn merch stand, we're standing there for 15 minutes, listening to Bill bitch about how we can't set the stand up yet. And, then, once everyone's there & we get the stand set up, he bitches about how he wished we could've gotten the stand set up sooner.

Or, for breaking down the stand, we have to count everything at the same time, which is fine. But, then, for entering numbers, we have a system that goes like this: A enters the numbers onto the computer spreadsheet, and B looks over A's shoulder to make sure A is doing it right. C writes the numbers onto a printout of the spreadsheet, while D looks over C's shoulder to check for mistakes & to read out the products as we're gonig downt he list, to make sure we're all on the same page.

I know, it doesn't sound that bad. But, imagine it going super slow & super fast in all the wrong places. (IE - slow while entering numbers; Bill standing behind you shouting to hurry up while counting) And, now, imagine the system crumbling at every chance, and everything having to be done over again. That is my night.

My night with Bill and his system. The whole thing is just asinine.

Thankfully, the other girl that works behind the stand with me is a lovely young woman named Charlene. She is excellent for conspiring & commiserating with. Every so often, when things are completely retarded (like when Bill disappears for 40 minutes during the rush right before the show & then yells at us because we made a tiny mistake), we look at each other, smirk, and say, "System. It is all part of the system."

And, then, of course, there's Wes. Who has the most amazing case of short man's syndrome you've ever seen in your LIFE. And, I will leave him at that. He's everything you dream he could be.

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On a happier note, and completely unrelated, I was riving through Westport a couple days ago, and there was a guy standing on the sidewalk next to his car. Singing & dancing. It was the most ridiculous, flailing dance I've ever seen. Has anyone else ever seen this guy before? Because, it was really incredible.

Here, I drew a picture, because pictures are awesome.



Yes, I know that, somehow, I have managed to create a 2-door stationwagon. You should ignore that part. And, for reference,t he music was coming out of both the man and the car, whose door was open - but I'm not quite skilled enough to draw that.

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And, finally, filed under thing s that make you throw your hands up & say, "Oh, Jesus Tapdancing Christ!". Some Jon Stewart, because I love him.



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